It wasn’t the time change…

Monday night I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with a raging headache. Generally, when I get one of these headaches, the kind that threatens to turn into a migraine, I take Excedrin to cut it off at the pass. But, in the middle of the night, I didn’t want to risk the caffeine. I hoped to fall back asleep and wake up feeling better.

Optimism. Isn’t it quaint?

I took a Tylenol instead and, after tossing and turning, visiting the bathroom numerous times and opening the window to the mild November air, I managed to fall back asleep around 4:00 to catch another hour of rest before dragging myself out of bed at 5:00 to begin the day.

I was perfectly willing to assign the responsibility of my feeling poorly and struggling to sleep to Sunday’s clock change and maybe something I ate. But, after two more similar nights (minus the headache), I’m beginning to think it’s something else…

Maybe it’s the pickup truck with giant Trump flags flying which has driven past me the last two afternoons on Delaware Avenue as Jeter and I walked. There’s something about it that simply feels menacing. Instead of staring at the driver with disgust, my impulse is to put my head down and keep walking, quickly.

Perhaps it’s witnessing the queer students and teachers I work with who walked around school yesterday with red rimmed eyes and slumped shoulders. All I want to do is tell them everything is going to be ok, but we all understand that remains to be seen. Project 2025 is coming for them and with the results of the election decided, DJT will be leading the charge. All I can do is tell them I’m there for them and that won’t change.

But, is my assurance to them even true? My nocturnal thoughts include an eventual departure from this country, an escape to a place which has yet to disappoint me on the level which the U.S. has. I want to live where being normal doesn’t make me a minority amongst people who choose hate over love, money over humanity and chaos over calm.

I don’t think it was the clock change ending Daylight Saving Time at all. Instead, it’s the threatened promised societal change back to the time of subservient women, closeted queers, and unbridled white supremacy. Fall back, indeed.