Category Archives: Observations

Weepy in the light of the full moon

Generally, I’m not much of a cryer. I’m not boasting when I say that. Trust me when I say there are moments when I wish for little more than a sob session to release the emotions that at times well up inside me and practically beg to get out. Honestly, tears would be welcome.

But, like I said, I’m not much of a cryer.
Last week, though, my eyes filled with tears repeatedly. What can I say? Children and full moons apparently are my weakness.
It started with a book. Author Nikki Grimes’ recent memoir, Ordinary Hazards, relates the story of her childhood. Grimes, the second daughter born to a mentally ill, alcoholic mother and a musician father with a gambling habit, survived a childhood that was rife with abuse, neglect and instability.
What saved Grimes and propelled her forward were words and their power to provide comfort, hope and confirmation of her own value. The intuitive and undeniable impulse she had to write, saved her.
This quote really resonated with me –
She’d prepare a hearty soup for them from scratch or bake a batch of cookies to lift their spirits. For such kindnesses, that mother was beloved by untold unfamiliar people beyond our door. On them, she lavished the attention I had once been hungry for. Oddly, her redirected affections made a certain sense to me. Apparently, my sister and I had made the colossal mistake of not being strangers.
My childhood was nothing like the one of neglect and emotional abuse experienced by Nikki Grimes and her sister, but I’ve known students who have suffered a similar existence…girls who have been sexually abused in the same beds in which they had once been tucked into and boys who have been told by their grandparents that they are no longer welcome to live in the only family home they’ve known.
I work in a middle school. My students are children. While mere words may not save children who are living in dire situations, I believe my most important job as a librarian is to provide kids with books that can do just that, save them, by letting them know that they’re not alone, they’re valued and life can get better.
The fullest moon in the sky has more of a chance of holding all of the sadness I feel, than my eyes have of containing my tears.

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Filed under Books, musings, Observations, Recommendations, Uncategorized

CivMix Redux

Writing for 2 blogs can be annoying. Sometimes I struggle with the decision about where to post my writing – is it a DelSo or CivMix piece? Are the readers the same people in both places? If I post it in one place, how do I share it with the other site?
Honestly, I’ve got no answers, but I’m doing my best. Hopefully you’ll appreciate my efforts as well as these recent posts.

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Filed under Albany, beauty, California, Christmas, Exercise, Lark Street, Local, Observations, Recommendations, running, stress, travel, vacation, yoga

Entering Palm Springs…

When I travel my preferred method of transportation, when possible, is walking. It’s the best way to capture images of sites and to feel a connection to the land, so to speak.

On my recent trip to the desert I logged miles on my feet, crisscrossing my way around the city of Palm Springs utterly charmed by the beauty, both natural and manmade. Here are some of my favorite doors and gates…

Can’t wait for my next opportunity to visit this special place in the high desert.

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Filed under beauty, California, Christmas, favorites, holidays, Observations, travel, vacation, winter

Holiday gifts, 2019

Christmas Eve dinner with all my favorite guys at our favorite Chinese place.

Learning the blue jay song on a walk with Jeter at Albany Muni. Now I can identify two bird calls!
A new kitchen faucet and dish draining rack, because I’m a 50 something homeowner.
The gift of safe travel via train and plane.
Three days in the desert with someone who’s always willing to go places with me.
A couple of hours soaking in mineral waters heated by the earth staring at mountains capped with snow.
Time spent with the person most responsible for my ability to create a life filled with happiness.
Challenging myself with a hike that scared me a little.
A delicious cinnamon roll that I allowed myself to eat in its entirety. In tiny bites.
Joy found in the most basic moments in an extraordinary world.

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Filed under beauty, California, Christmas, Dinner, Eating, favorites, friends, Hiking, holidays, musings, Observations, relationships, travel, vacation

I do not hate Donald Trump

From Tuesday’s demonstration

I hate what he’s done to my country.

Where did it start? Was it one side accusing the other of hatred of a particular group?Maybe Blacks or Gays or Mexicans? I myself have said that some are motivated by their dislike of a particular race, not their desire to support the law as in the recent enactment of the Green Light Bill allowing non documented immigrants to receive driver’s licenses. Even as I said it, I knew it wasn’t true. At least not for all of the people involved in the online discussion, a conversation which grew increasingly more hostile.

But, how else to explain the admiration and acceptance “they” have for a person who has unrelentingly demonstrated his lack of interest in respecting anyone who does not kowtow to his wishes and demands?

In return, I was told that I was blinded by my hatred of Donald Trump. The very same facts which had convinced me that the only decision was to impeach DJT, had somehow confirmed for “them” that he was the victim of a witch hunt initiated by Democrats the very day he was sworn in. The liberal media and socialist leaning politicians had stoked my mild disgust for conman Trump into an inferno of raging hatred. That’s what “they” told me.

Again, I say – I do not hate Donald Trump.

I hate what he’s done to my country.

Each time I hear about the economy and record low unemployment and America First, I can only reflect on the price we’ve paid for any of those situations, and what has really been gained by the majority of Americans, instead of just the 1%. While I’m suspect about the reality of our country’s blazing economy, what I do know is that we are seriously lacking in some fundamental and basic components of a civilized society. Our government is broken.

When Donald Trump was elected, I swore about the damn electoral college and the polls, but accepted the results. I allowed a glimmer of hope to remain after eight years of Obama hope. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as the campaign had promised. How often are campaign pledges kept anyway? Surely this oddly colored man would grow gracefully into the Oval Office and rise to the occasion.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The current situation in our country is not normal, at least not in my observations. The lack of compassion and civility, coupled with a sense of justified racism, have made America a place which no longer can be considered a world leader.

Yesterday’s impeachment communicated that we expect more from our government. It is unacceptable for our president to conduct himself as Donald Trump has and his impeachment confirms that so many understand that to be true.

I do not hate Donald Trump.

I hate what he’s done to my country.

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Filed under Albany, Events, musings, Observations, politics

Fast and Furious – 5 things pissing me off right now

I’m generally pretty easy going. I try to accept that not everyone thinks or behaves the same way I do and feel fairly happy most of the time. Heartbreaks aside, of course. There are a few things, though, that have recently got my blood boiling and I’m hoping that if I obey the full moon and practice letting go, maybe I can move past these injustices and minor outrages.

First – if I read one more time about how a 6-week infant was “allowed” to ingest methamphetamines by the man responsible for caring for him, I just might lose my shit. This baby, with 8 broken ribs and a head injury declared “not grave enough” to warrant legal charges, was killed by both the individual who administered the drugs and injuries to him and the system which absolutely and completely failed him. 

Next – The hypocrisy of the president and his wife when it comes to respecting young people. I really don’t understand the outrage about a remark made by a legal scholar during the recent hearings relating to Donald Trump’s actions in relation to Ukraine. This apparently deeply offended the occupants of the White House, yet did not prevent the Idiot-in-Chief from making direct and disparaging remarks about Time magazine’s Person of the Year, Greta Thunberg. There is no bottom when it comes to Trump and his lack of sensitivity and basic social mores. He is absolutely repulsive and an embarrassment to the United States.

Speaking of the United States, I am appalled to live in a country in which a ball player receives a contract compensating them to the tune of $324 million over nine years. There is nothing anyone could ever say to me that would justify that kind of ludicrous salary. Nothing. Don’t even try.

My last two issues are much more trivial, yet still infuriating. One is a driving etiquette thing with which upstate people are apparently unfamiliar. I’m pretty certain I’ve railed about this before, but it seems folks weren’t listening so I’ll say it again – if I have the green light, but am not proceeding through an intersection because I can not clear the “box,” you should not interpret my holding back to be an invitation for you to make a right on red. If you’re someone who has mistakenly done this in the past, you’re welcome for the driving lesson because if you try that move in NYC, you won’t be educated quite so politely.

And, lastly, to the person who allows their dog to crap in my front garden (2x) and on the sidewalk (3x), when I find out who you are, we’re going to have words – and I’ll probably notify the city, too. The DelSo is a nice neighborhood filled with people who take care of their properties and are responsible pet owners. Pick up your dog’s sh*t like a respectable person.

I feel a little better now but if my rage persists, maybe Greta and I can get a group discount on those Anger Management classes.

 

 

 

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Filed under Albany, Delaware Avenue, Local, News, Observations, politics, Rant, stress, upstate New York

Skiing with my Uncle Wolfgang

Last week’s epic snowstorm provided an unexpected early December treat – the chance to cross-country ski at Albany Muni. I got out there four days and the conditions just kept getting better. It was awesome and Jeter and I loved every minute of it.

Other than the first day when I skied with a friend, it was just me, my dog and nearly two feet of snow. Sort of. Skiing solo provides lots of time for thoughts and when I cross country ski I can’t help but think of my Uncle Wolfgang. He, too, was a cross country skier, albeit much more accomplished than I. Wolfgang, my mother’s youngest brother, was a competitive biathlete in Germany and, as I ski, I do my best to glide with the grace and strength he once did.

As my eyes took in the beauty of the snow covered golf course and my lower back became damp from my exertions, my head filled with memories of my Uncle. He and I, along with his wife and a Lilly boy or two, took some great road trips together around Europe. Wolfgang and Brigitte were great travelers and I have wonderful memories of sharing time with them in Paris, Amsterdam, NYC and, our last trip, Berlin. I miss him and will always be sad that he was taken so fast and furiously by cancer just weeks after we parted in Berlin.

But, I feel him with me, deep inside, and I truly understand the sentiment about how you never really lose someone you love as long as you have memories of time shared. I get it now and it gives me so much comfort and peace to know he won’t ever be gone.

I started thinking about all the little things I do that immediately remind me of people who no longer walk the earth beside me. When I chop vegetables, I remember Len, who taught me how to hold a knife. As I put together a salad in the metal bowl I insisted upon getting in the divorce, I think of my mother-in-law and her inability to not give her son and I something to take with us each time we left her house. If I see a deer dead on the side of the road, I recall my friend, John, who once demonstrated his compassion for a dying doe by finishing the job a car had begun, an act of kindness that he unfortunately wasn’t able to extend to himself.

Losing someone we love and experiencing the void of their absence, especially near the holidays, makes for an emotionally challenging situation. Knowing that we’ll never again hear a loved one’s laughter or feel their embrace, quite plainly sucks. However, if one takes the time to focus instead on what remains – the memories and moments and love shared, it seems to me that they’re never really gone. At least not from our heads and, of course, our hearts.

 

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Filed under aging, Albany, beauty, cancer, Europe, family, favorites, friends, Germany, Local, love, musings, Normanskill, Observations, relationships, skiing, travel, upstate New York, x-country skiing