Giving (up) Tuesday

I understand the meaning of Giving Tuesday and respect it. I did a little holiday shopping last night which will benefit a local animal rescue agency as my way of giving. It was a small thing to do, but in the same way that I don’t limit myself to a single day of giving thanks, I try to donate whenever I can. Today I’m going to give something to myself – a few moments to indulge my thoughts about a new month and the end of a year and the difference between giving up and surrendering.

Here we are, December of yet another year. How do you feel about this year? Was it everything for which you had hoped? Is anything ever?

It’s hard for me to remember what I may have wished to realize in 2015, but, I can assure you that owning a restaurant was not on my list of aspirations. Yet, here I am preparing for my first holiday season at Lark + Lily. I gave up my already limited free time in exchange for an opportunity to be a business owner. This unforeseen accomplishment makes me smile and confirms my belief that doors open for us in the most unexpected ways.

I know that I had hoped to feel a sense of emotional security that I have not yet realized. I guess I could consider that a fail, but instead I’ll try to think of it as a goal in progress. I believe it is obtainable, just not at this time. Maybe I’ll focus on not focusing and instead try to open my eyes wide to all the possibilities. That’s kind of how becoming a restaurateur happened, right?

I’m going to embrace some wisdom offered by Elizabeth Gilbert, an author for whom I would like to feel disdain (pasta, yoga, love! Really? That’s your answer?), but who instead I find to be inspiring, and surrender to my lack of ability to make my romantic life satisfying. Instead I’ll abandon it with as much grace as I can muster.

Surrender is what happens when you come to the end of your power. Surrender is what happens when you have searched to the bottom of your soul and found out this truth — which is that you really can’t do this thing anymore.

I’m big on symbolism and I love a new day, week, month or year. I see opportunity and possibility when I’m presented with a clean slate. How about you? This morning as I flipped the calendar(s) in the kitchen and my glorified office, I felt a mixture of lightness and weightiness. I’m going to invite the promise of a new month to fill me with optimism and give up the previous months of my feeling anchored to a situation which is unsatisfying and unable to be resolved by me.  Today.

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