Father’s Day for the Fatherless

I hope that title doesn’t sound too dramatic. That wasn’t my intent. I was just trying to describe something which can present itself in many ways, in only a few words.

I’ve seen and sent Father’s Day messages this morning and I celebrate all dads today, and most every day. I see them as equal parents in each way they can be without having grown, or used their body to feed, offspring. Once you have a history of doing that, gestating and providing sustenance to a child, you can’t help but believe there’s gotta be some sort of unique connection between you and that person you delivered.

But that’s just my opinion.

My experience as a fatherless female is something I had no intention of talking about today. I didn’t feel the need to share a photo of long deceased Jeremiah McMenamin, of County Donegal, my father. It’s a story I’m confident I’ve come to accept as one of missed opportunities, but also an element of magical chances fulfilled. I’m good with it and my Irish family and, damn it, there’s no other word, blessed to have them.

But then I read this:

Why Would My Father Not Want to Know Me?,” Tara Ellison, NYT.

And I thought about a conversation I had earlier when I expressed that I feel that during my whole dating life, I’ve sought someone who can show me new things, while guarding my existence. A partner who would protect me, while encouraging me to grow. The man who would take care of boring things, like banking and home repairs, with a skill that allowed my attention to be directed at more fun stuff.

I want a fucking dad.

I literally covered my face with hands. Jesus. I didn’t see that coming!

But, I’m smiling. It’s ok. I’m certain that the more we understand ourselves, and why we do the things we do, the better we become at choices. We figure out what we want and how to be happy, and make decisions that support the importance we place upon things like having our needs met and feeling satisfied. We get better at being ourselves. Hopefully.

Although my initial utterance, upon recognizing the parallels between what I desire in a partner and what I imagined I missed in my idealized having-a-father-fantasy, could only be described as a groan, I’m laughing now.

So, have the happiest of Father’s Days. May your day include the luxury of a moment today to consider what it is you want and how to be happy, regardless of your fatherhood status.

Stay cool!

4 thoughts on “Father’s Day for the Fatherless

  1. I have a father out there who has ignored me for 59 years and I often feel it would be better if he was dead because then he would have an excuse for never reaching out to me.

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