Turning my fear into anger

Right-wing activist,* Charlie Kirk was assassinated yesterday in Utah. Beyond recognizing a couple of his statements retrospectively, I was unaware of him while he was alive. I’m not really his demographic and most certainly am not someone who subscribed to his ideology, which included a strong belief in the second amendment, opposition to gay and trans rights, and an anti immigration position.

My sons, white men in their twenties, however, are part of the demographic to whom he often appeals. Independent of each another, two of them had the very same response to the news of Kirk’s death, one that I had to look up online to define:

“Thinking about throwing something on the grill.”

My sons, one of whom was born 10 days after the massacre at Columbine HS, are not ignorant, nor are they heartless. In fact, their knowledge of history, geography and politics is pretty damn impressive. They are well traveled and sensitive to the incredible difficulties faced by people around the globe. They have a history of rescuing and adopting cats, have lifelong friends and are pretty liberal with their “I love yous.”

They are not hate-filled humans.

The death of Charlie Kirk did not sadden my children, nor did it surprise them.

This is the world to grow up in that we’ve given them.

I feel sorrow for Kirk’s wife and children. They will surely be haunted by this act of violence for the rest of their days. Yet, I can’t help but think about the uncountable students who go to school every day knowing that, because of the proliferation of guns in our country, this could be the day that they die.

Children slaughtered in their classrooms never have the opportunity to grow up, get married and become parents.

“I think it’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights,” he said.

Today, that price must feel pretty high to those who loved Charlie Kirk.

With a new school year comes a new round of school safety trainings for educators and drills for students. We are obligated to perform 12 practice drills, 8 of which are evacuations, along with 4 lockdowns. As we prepare children for an assortment of threats from weather related to natural disasters, the primary danger remains the same: active shooters.

I’ve said it many times: in this country we deal with the threat of gun violence in schools by teaching children to hide.

In addition to practice drills with students, educators also are required to complete online training modules, some of which feature safety trainings. For whatever reason, one bullet (ha!) point really struck me this year. I’ll paraphrase here, not having the training in front of me at the moment, but essentially, in the presence of a perpetrator of violence in our classroom or library, we are advised to convert our fear into anger to better fight back against an intruder.

Yep. I’m being asked to counterattack when confronted by an armed intruder. I’m being directed to turn my fear into anger to better fight back.

You know what? I’m already angry. In fact, I’m livid.

Stop asking teachers to defend children when the government is unwilling to do their job.

By all means, let’s turn Charlie Kirk into a martyr. Let his death be the impetus for meaningful change in the gun laws in this country.

Until then, my empathy will be directed towards the thousands of families who have experienced the loss of their ones to gun violence.

*Not my words. This is how he was described in the NYT headline.