Breaking (some of)the rules

On a night when the moon is one day shy of full and there’s less than 24 hours standing between you and a four day holiday weekend, it’s hard to get motivated to do much beyond sitting on the back deck with a cold glass of Italian white staring at the moon.

What else is there, really?

Thoughts of all the fun activities (and outfits!) in my life over the next few days, makes it difficult to not extend my time on the deck, maybe with a second glass of wine. Resist, I do, however. At nearly 9:30, I know I need to shower and get to bed. It’s a school night. So, I sip the single glass I allowed myself as slowly as possible because the moon truly is that beautiful and the air is positively luscious.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my commitment to rule following. Am I consistent? Which rules am I willing to break? Or – is it more telling to know which rules I hold sacred? Do you think about stuff like this, too?

Recently, in the Hannaford parking lot, I was asked about my choice to wear white cropped jeans before Memorial Day. Was I being rebellious by busting out white clothing before the annual May holiday when white shoes and clothing are typically released from their winter residence?

Uh?

When have I ever impressed anyone with my ability to adhere to rules, particularly ones which were sartorial?

Don’t get me wrong. I can appreciate the value of norms which can result from rules which encourage common and consistent behavior from society. As a child, I recall craving rules to accompany the responsibility which had been foisted upon me (and my brother) at a really early age. I distinctly remember explaining to someone that I wasn’t allowed to go outdoors barefoot before May 1st when the truth was that my mother probably wouldn’t have been home to even notice.

So, anyway, I explained to this friend with whom I cross paths in numerous ways both figuratively and literally, that I don’t dress by any rules. I wear wtf I want to wear when I want to wear it. Now that we’ve established that, let me tell you about a rule which I recently obeyed and have regretted ever since.

But, first, some back story…

Many years ago (2008), I attended a Neil Young show at MSG. My ticket was a gift from a former student who accompanied me to the concert and we most definitely had a fantastic time at what was her first NYC big show. Afterwards we stopped at a nearby Irish pub for refreshment and, as we were dissecting the show, we were joined at the pub by what appeared (from their lanyards) to be some of the crew from the concert. We immediately began chatting with them and thoroughly enjoyed our conversation which ended with an offer to guest list us for the next night.

While we were excited by the thought of seeing the show for a second night, I had a bit of skepticism. Guys making promises and not coming through was something with which I was familiar. Tempering our anticipation, we made arrangements to remain in the city for a second evening in case the sound engineer (M) delivered.

Which he did.

In fact, he added three of us – another friend who is a huge Neil fan happened to be arriving at La Guardia a couple of hours before the show and would not only be able to make the show, but would also be our ride back upstate, to the guest list.  

Ding ding ding – kismet!

The three of had an absolutely epic night. It was a blast.

Since that night, I’ve remained in touch with M, Neil’s primary sound engineer. I’ve been fortunate enough to have seen Neil a number of subsequent times including at SPAC, the historic United Palace in NYC, Albany’s own Palace Theater and, most recently, in Camden, NJ on Mother’s Day. The Albany show was courtesy of M, when we were lucky enough to sit in the soundboard on the floor, a first for me. Not expecting to have been invited to that show, I had already purchased (expensive) tickets, which I then made available to friends, dividing the price of the 2 purchased tickets between 4 giving all of us a bargain price for a fantastic show. 

You know, because I’m a Socialist.

During the years of my acquaintanceship with M, I’ve never expected him to hook me up. If you know anything about me, you’re aware that I’m a long term, loyal friend. I cultivate connections like a master gardener and love meeting new and interesting people. I’m not here to take advantage of his kindnesses and am beyond happy to reciprocate as possible. When M set me up for the Albany show, I bought a beautiful growler filled with local beer to the stage door as a thank you for his thoughtfulness.

Because I didn’t want him to feel obligated to offer me any considerations, I didn’t contact him until after the SPAC show, which featured Neil Young, a number of years back – and then it was only to tell him how much I enjoyed the concert. He lightly chastised me after that event, telling me to reach out if I was interested in taking in a particular stop on whatever tour Neil happened to be doing.

So, when the Camden show, at the time the nearest venue to us with a date we could attend, was announced, I sent M an email. When tickets went on sale a couple of days later, having not heard from M, we picked up a couple. We were set.

The night before the show, I got an email from M asking if we needed tickets. I explained we had bought a couple already but maybe we could meet up for a beer or something? We exchanged emails over the next 24 hours and were able to manage a quick hello before Neil took the stage. All in all, it was a very satisfying interaction and I was happy to see M and know that he and Neil are still doing their thing.

It was a fantastic show and a great Mother’s Day.

The concert was so good, in fact, that we immediately starting looking at the two upcoming N.Y. shows and wondering if we might be able to get to one of them. I reached out to M to see if there were any tickets available. He responded that both N.Y. nights were sold out, but he’d know more the day of the show when band tickets not slated to be used would become available.

The night before the concert, M surprised me by saying he had guest listed me for Tuesday night in NY. Obviously, I was thrilled, but as I considered my work schedule on Wednesday (5 periods of double classes coming to the LMC for science research instruction), I realized that I personally wasn’t going to be able to make that show. The days of me hightailing to a NYC event and then getting back home again in any kind of shape to teach, are over. My sweetie found a friend to take “my” ticket and they enjoyed a fantastic night of music, while I remained in Albany kicking myself for being unwilling to reschedule a day’s instruction and take a day off from work.

It’s impossible to know if I’ll catch Neil Young perform again, but I’m mostly comfortable with the choice I made to be responsible (German work ethic, as a friend described it) and miss the show. My appreciation* for M’s consideration and indulgence through the years is tremendous and while I would have loved to see that second show last week, I’m happy to have caught at least one show of the tour.

Being an adult often means making decisions and living by rules. At least some of the time.

*We conveyed our thanks for the tickets this time by making a generous donation to the Mohawk Hudson Humane Society in M’s honor. It felt really good to keep the positive energy going.