Tis the season

I’ve got a confession to share – the holidays are hard. The level of stress, even in a world in which the resources are available to host dinner for 10 with home baked treats and gifts, just feels kind of overwhelming and like a poor return on investment. I hate (a word I’ve tried to never use lightly) the forced gaiety and festivities.

There. I said it.

I don’t like the holidays.

It seems I’ve arrived at a place in my life where I don’t feel compelled to celebrate a season of excess and consumerism. For whatever reason this year, as I prepared and shopped and even wrapped, I felt almost as if I was observing my actions from a distance. None of it felt very joyous or even particularly real.

How does one embrace the Christmas season when the world in which we live is so clearly not harmonious or even kind?

Feel free to give my bah humbug attitude a pass and excuse my negativity, if you like. It doesn’t really matter to me. I’m in a funk and am perfectly comfortable with allowing myself the space in which to experience it. I’ll even do my best to not negatively flavor your urge to celebrate, I promise.

I don’t know what happened to shift my focus from the excitement and wonder of Christmas to the reality of a holiday season centered upon consumerism. Generosity and charity continue to motivate me to purchase and create gifts for my loved ones and donate to meaningful organizations, but I don’t expect that I’ll grow any more comfortable than I currently am when it comes to participating in holiday gatherings.

In all honesty, I think I’d rather just run off to be by myself. Then I wouldn’t ever have to fear…

• Disappointing anyone with whatever gift I’ve selected to give.
• Poisoning the festive vibe with my lack of enthusiasm.
• Providing a response which is somehow lacking to a received present.

It just feels like so much pressure to perform and that’s something I’m simply not very good at. I know there are people who absolutely love the holidays – the decorating and baking and shopping genuinely prompt excitement for these folks. To this I say, bravo and greetings of the season to you. Enjoy every last pine needle and strand of tinsel!

As for me, I’m looking ahead to future holidays spent strolling foreign avenues and napping in warm sunshine in distant places. The season I am most interested in basking is one associated with weather, not commercialism.