Notes from a retired party planner

Somehow, ok, maybe it’s because I’m good at it, I’ve become quite the “milestone birthday party planner (MBPP). Through the years I’ve planned three 50th birthday parties (my mother’s dessert & cordials festivities, my ex’s Tuscany/London celebration and my own DeFazio’s & wine shindig) and, in recent years, two 60th birthday fetes, one of which was Veteran’s Day weekend. While each of these events has come with its own challenges, be it ever so limited finances, geography or simply getting those damn rsvps back, I’m proud to say that they’ve all been smashing successes.

I know how to throw a party.

My history of hosting was never as relevant as it was Veterans Day weekend, since most of the folks who joined me for two nights in Saratoga had all been present at some of my earliest parties. You know, the illicit ones beginning in the early 80s when we were all in high school.

Yes, my brother and I have been hanging out with the very same people for about 45 years.

Yes, we all know how truly fortunate we are to be able to say that.

So, how did 17 people, primarily from the Hudson Valley but with one attendee flying into town from Boca Raton for the weekend, come together to celebrate for two epic nights of laughter, music and fun? Here are my best tips:

• Pick an occasion to recognize – a birthday, retirement, anniversary.
• Locate a property that can comfortably accommodate your gang. We ended up booking a 9 bedroom, 6 bathroom place with a terrific backyard (with a spanking clean hot tub), plenty of seating options and a covered front porch on ten private acres. While we had originally located the property on VRBO, I ended up booking the house on Airbnb for slightly less $$ and much better terms, i.e. we only had to leave a small deposit when we initially booked with the balance paid approximately 2 weeks prior to our arrival.
• Come up with a menu but not a rigid meal plan. This meant lots of snack stuff (crudite, dips, crunchy things like chips, charcuterie, cheeses, veggie soufflé, and a couple of quiches, along with some classic candy for munching on) for our first evening, tons of bagels and waffles with bacon and sausage for breakfasts and lasagna for our Sunday evening meal. All of these (other than the breakfast meats and a spontaneous purchase of hot dogs and hamburgers with fixings for lunch on Sunday) were brought to the house either already prepared or ready to be assembled and cooked.
• Let go of some of the meal prep. The lasagna I make is kind of labor intensive and I had the genius idea to share some of the chopping and cutting. I simply peeled and sliced off the ends of the onions and garlic required and then left them on the cutting board with a knife and invited anyone to take a turn at mincing and chopping. Doing this both freed me up for other tasks and turned the cooking into a collaborative experience.
• Plan a group activity. For us, it was an evening listening to live music at Caffe Lena. It was fun to get out together for a couple to enjoy a shared experience and ubering back and forth from our house allowed us to enjoy a cocktail or two without worrying about driving or parking.
• If you’re staying in an unfamiliar area, keep your eyes open on your way to your rental. I took note of a Stewart’s perfectly positioned in case we forgot anything and a nature trail. We ended up visiting both of these places over the course of the weekend.

• Do not fall into the trap of micromanaging the details. My brother and I were the first to arrive and we selected our own bedrooms and agreed that the massive primary bedroom suite should be reserved for the 3 women who each came without a partner. Beyond that, it was a case of directing new arrivals to the available bedrooms and requesting that they choose one and then close the door to it to indicate that it was taken. Easy.
• Understand that it is impossible to do every single thing together. Seriously, we were a group of 17 friends with some strong personalities and opinions which were not always shared. There will be splinter groups and different levels of activity desired. Breath and appreciate one another and the time you are fortunate enough to share.
• And – avoid political discussions.
• Lastly, include some empty take away containers in your packing. There will be leftovers to be distributed and having containers to divide them into makes that process quick and easy.

If you had asked me the week before the party, if I enjoyed the planning process, I would have said “hell, no.” It can be as frustrating as herding cats, especially when organizing the group is primarily done via group texts. But, like childbirth, the challenges and annoyances have begun to fade from my memory leaving behind the laughter, hugs and fun we shared. That being said, the next party I intend to plan is my own 60th birthday in a couple of years.

Who wants to come to Italy?