In 1996, I was settling into the home we had recently purchased, preparing to start a new permanent professional position and getting ready to start a family. Having all three of those major life milestones occur within a six month window of time, reflectively, seems crazy but, at the time, I was completely unfazed to take it all on.
That’s what adulthood was all about, right?
For three decades, I’ve devoted my time, attention and finances to nurturing and maintaining this trifecta of responsibilities. It’s been a commitment that I have taken seriously and performed to the mostly best of my abilities without complaint.
Well, beyond the stresses involved with work, family and home, which I have admittedly whined about over the years, I haven’t really complained too much.
Listen, I’ve put the time and the sweat and the resources into meeting my obligations in life. I showed up – physically, emotionally and financially and I kind of feel like I’m approaching the natural and manmade end of these chapters devoted to work, family and assets.
And, I find myself nearly released from the yokes that have tied me down for so long. I’m retired, my mortgage will be paid off next year and my sons are essentially launched.
I can almost taste the freedom.
In the most benign of ways, I’m done.
I don’t want to my focus to be anything beyond indulging my interests and traveling. That’s it.
Of course, I’d never abandon my children, loved ones or property, but I’d like all of those things to be more peripheral because there are too many other things I need to see and experience.
This year, I’ve so far traveled on 4 distinct occasions. Once, was completely on my own, while the other three trips each came with a different companion. All three of these individuals (independently) pointed out to me that my pace, or comfortable distance covered on foot, was beyond what most people (including them) appreciate on vacation.
Ok…they said it nicely.
I’ve come to accept that I’m not interested in compromise right now. If I want to walk 25,000 steps, that’s what I want to do. I do not want to curtail my energy or settle to accommodate someone else’s level of ease, particularly on long trips
I know this sounds horrible. I must be a terrible person, right? Maybe in some eyes.
In complete honesty, what I truly define as “terrible” is accepting less than what one wants or needs. If I allowed my energy or light to be contained to provide a more comfortable experience for a travel partner, I would truly be terrible.
As I finally commit these thoughts and feelings to print, I do so with assertiveness. I know this true for me even as I am certain that my words might ring as wildly selfish and personally indulgent to some.
I don’t care.
This is it, people. We go through this way once – no repeats or do overs. Like Louise Erdrich, I know this to be true:
“…let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
As these thoughts circulate within my body, heart and mind, I find myself thinking about all the places I want to experience and know. I recognize that this is the place I’ve worked my entire adult life to reach – with my kids essentially independent, my finances mostly fine and my calendar mostly open.
It’s time to get tasting apples, so to speak.
Although, I think maybe I’ll begin with Sicilian lemons…
DelSo 