Losing it

I kind of pride myself on having my shit together. From my earliest days, I was trained to be responsible and self sufficient, lessons I internalized and incorporated into my everyday life. Keeping my space tidy, paying my bills on time and being aware of the location of important items are ingrained in me.

Which is what makes a couple of recent experiences oddly out of character.

On my two most recent trips abroad, I’ve lost important things. First, in Italy at the beginning of the year, I lost my wallet. I’m reasonably confident I simply didn’t place it carefully in my handbag, one that has a flap of sorts that folds over onto itself. The irony of having selected this particular bag to thwart potential pickpockets, and then personally not placing my wallet down into it properly, is not lost on me.

Out some euro, with the added task of replacing my drivers license and a credit card, the situation was more inconvenient than tragic. My ultimate takeaway was that the experience was a relatively benign live and learn episode and not one of devastation, as it might have been at a different stage of my life.

In all honesty, beyond some annoyance at myself, I felt truly fortunate to be in a position where I could absorb losing some cash without it having a big impact.

On this second trip of the year, I lost another fundamental item – the key to my accommodations. This was particularly ironic because I had worried that the key, provided to me without a keychain or attachment, would be easy to misplace in its solo state. So, ever the responsible one, I removed the small Coach tag from the handbag I brought along on this trip, and placed the key on its chain.

On that day, I took a very long walk listening to an engaging audio book (Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan) only to return “home” to discover the key was nowhere to be found. I was at a loss as to what to do – should I retrace my steps again looping around the Prom and Merrion Road? I was scheduled to meet a cousin and was concerned I didn’t have enough time to complete the entire circle a second time prior to when I needed to depart for our rendezvous spot.

If you had had a view of me at that moment, you would have witnessed me literally spinning in circles as I weighed my options – should I retrace my footsteps? In which direction? What would happen if I couldn’t find the key? How would I get back into “my” place? Most importantly – where could I find a bathroom now that my bladder was bursting?

I took a breath and looked around one last time before phoning my host and informing them of the situation. This was absolutely the right thing to do since she herself was just heading out. Had I taken the walk to search for the key, I would have missed her – and my opportunity to pee.

Again – not a total disaster. Crisis averted. I was given another key,* which I quickly zipped into a pouch in my bag, and was on my way in no time.

Two trips, two basic and critical items gone due to my own negligence. What is the universe attempting to communicate to me that I should be picking up on?

The first, I think, is a reminder that losing wallets and keys isn’t just the purview of the young. I’ve replaced, usually with annoyance, more house keys and wallets for my sons than I can count. I imagine they’d love to know that I myself have managed to lose both of these things in short order.

Perhaps I should have been more understanding when my sons lost their things. I mean, it happens to the best of us, right? Being out some cash or having to admit you’ve lost a key and needing to ask for help isn’t the worst possible thing, is it?

Beyond these truths, I think there’s a deeper message being communicated to me. Money and a roof over one’s head are fundamental parts of life and I’ve worked hard my entire life to have both. During these two recent trips, I’ve lost my immediate access to each of them, yet have managed to move forward and continue my adventures without too much aggravation.

It feels like I’m being encouraged by the universe at large to continue my explorations and to keep traveling with the confidence that it’s all going to work out. Of course, I’ll move forward being more careful about securing my wallet and keys, but I’ll also carry with me the confidence that I can figure out how to manage the unexpected.

It might be time to start thinking about how to lose myself in this new place in life. Who knows what I may end up finding?

*The next day I copied the key at the local hardware store.