The truth about online dating

Online dating is weird. One man I chatted with told me, after I expressed surprise that he had lied about his age (shaving a couple of years off the true number), he expects everyone online to lie about things such as their age or height. I told him I preferred to not lie, having been lied to frequently in the past. Apparently his lie pales in comparison to my being uncomfortable being lied to.


Sadly, that interaction was down right positive compared to the subsequent conversation I had with a guy whose response to my query as to what he enjoys doing was this: “IDK – I’m a simple man. Work – eat – f*ck – sleep – f*ck – gym – repeat.” 

Really? I can’t imagine why that gent is still single, but I suspect it might be for different reasons than my own. I don’t doubt for a minute that dude had a permanent place on Santa’s Naughty List.

Speaking of Santa, there was the coffee date with the smart and funny bearded guy. He took to growing a Covid beard like 40-something-year-old women take to sculpting revenge bodies. It was a lot. 

Don’t get me wrong, I like a beard and think 2 days growth can look very appealing. It seems to me, though, that men grow facial hair because it’s an acceptable way to stroke themselves publicly. It’s facial masturbation, isn’t it?

It’s kind of the opposite of hot. Kind of like his observation that there was “no spark.” Apparently when you’re in your 50s and dating during a pandemic, things are supposed to move rapidly. Or at least too fast for a slow burner.

Heat is hard to measure virtually. Voice is important and when the voice doesn’t match the one you heard in your head while reading his introductory words, it can be hard to get beyond. Truthfully, there have been times when I preferred a person’s virtual presence to their IRL being. 

There’s a relationship going nowhere fast.

A person’s gait always communicates to me. The first time I was to meet my former father-in-law, I recognized him from the back (and 40 feet of distance) because his walk was identical to his son’s. How one presents themselves on foot is something I notice. I don’t like hesitation and the guy I dated who, was somewhat lacking in assertion, approached me with what felt almost like timidity. 

That’s not hot either.

Jesus, now you know why I’m single. It’s because I am ridiculous in my expectations and incredibly judgmental.

Or so it seems. 

But, is it really unreasonable to expect to not to have to settle for less than what one wants? To assume that people are being honest about who they are – and how many years old they are?

At this point in life, if you’re intentionally lying about who you are (and how many times you’ve been divorced) wtf kind of life are you living?

Honestly, I just don’t understand it.

Like I said, online dating is weird.

4 thoughts on “The truth about online dating

  1. Dear Silvia,
    It’s so unfortunate that how our society has grown over the last 4 years is really a major disappointment. We now live in a society where lying has become the norm, not only through norm but somewhat fashionable. It’s so wrong on so many levels it’s hard to express. I still honor truth above all things, sometimes the truth can be hurtful but at least it’s the truth. I maintain it’s easier to forgive a person for doing the worst imaginable thing as long as they tell the truth. When someone lies it’s a major breach of trust and it makes someone think , oh God what’s next? Let’s make this clear…..there are no simple little lies. Lying is like doing a drug , at first you feel good because you got away with it, but as the dependency of the drug grows it’s only a question of time before everyone knows and the trust you had is gone. I think the person who responded with the IDK, I’m a simple man…..and then loges on to let you know his maturity and testosterone level never got past 18 years old , was probably being honest…..although I think he was on the wrong dating site and should perhaps explore “Tinder” for conquests rather than relationships.
    Keep searching, keep positive, and never settle for anyone that is less than honest with you ALL the time, it’s the only way to build trust…..and honestly and trust in a person can develop into the greatest relationship of your life.

    1. I dated someone for far too long who, I have come to understand, was a bonafide pathological liar. He couldn’t sleep, was depressed and anxious and considered his ails inexplicable. He never connected his life of lies and the necessary juggling to keep all his stories straight as the cause of his symptoms. I guess the lies start with those he told himself. Sad.

  2. After 2 marriages & a string of relationships with anxiety-ridden women (& this was pre-COVID!) I’m at peace being alone. But if you want to go for drinks & dinner sometime, let me know.

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