Notes for my new lover

Since we’ve met and things seem to be moving in a positive direction, I thought you might appreciate some care & feeding tips, so to speak, when it comes to being involved with me. At our ages, we probably should be as direct with one another as possible. Time is too valuable to waste.

We’ve both been in the dating world for decades and I know we’ve learned many things about other people and, more importantly, ourselves. We know what makes us happy and what we won’t tolerate. We’ve hopefully also learned to communicate our needs and understand that we are both works in progress continually striving to hone our interpersonal skills.

Experiences have shaped who we are today and provide a lens for whom we once were. We’ll have shared some of that with one another and will have a degree understanding of how we each became ourselves. Let’s be kind to each other and celebrate the fact that while we’re not perfect, we are exquisitely unique.

Because I am optimistic and hopeful and positive about us, I want to share with you some specific suggestions to help keep this train on the tracks. Feel free to take notes of your own.

  • Please do not misunderstand my impatience with passivity for a desire to be controlled. That’s not my bag.
  • Feel free to make loving suggestions about my appearance. By all means, share your thoughts on the length and style of my hair and recommend new eyeglass frames. I like that you pay attention to how I look.
  • Do not expect me to act upon, or even deeply engage with you about, your thoughtful style tips. I am open to changes, but feel pretty comfortable with how I present myself and know that my appearance evolves naturally. Of course, you’re always welcome to surprise me with an accessory or garment that you want to see me wear, which I will do with grace.
  • Refrain from including me prematurely in family and business events. I like going places and being with you, but let’s not complicate things too quickly by introductions to folks I may find interesting. It’s hard for me to let go of people whom I sincerely like.
  • Try to understand that I have been taught by life to keep my emotions and deepest thoughts under wraps. Demanding immediate depth and complete exposure isn’t going to result in happiness for either of us.
  • If you need constant attention from me, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. I have a lot going on and love to travel, which means I’m not always going to be around.
  • I am, by nature, consistent and loyal. I’ve learned that these characteristics aren’t necessarily universal, however, they’re important to me and I seek them in a partner. If you know that these adjectives don’t describe you, please remove yourself from this relationship immediately.
  • It has taken me many, many years to craft a life that feels (most of the time) stable and secure. This shouldn’t suggest a lack of spirit of adventure. Let’s be bold and brave together.
  • Do not bullshit me. I may not be well versed in philosophy or profound, but my intuition and instincts have literally kept me alive.
  • Be authentic ffs. I am so incredibly weary of middle aged men who do not admit, or even know, who they are and what they want. Please just own it.*
  • Don’t underestimate me. There is little in life that I have truly desired that I haven’t been able to work to achieve and/or possess.
  • Be gentle with my heart. It’s one of my strongest muscles (And – have you seen my calves? They’re fantastic!), but it has suffered from both under and over use.
  • Accept and appreciate that I’m fundamentally happy. By no means should that suggest that your presence is unwelcome, but please bring some of your own joy to share.

I’m so glad to have had an opportunity to share these things with you and I very much look forward to meeting you some day. Until then – Silvia

*Or change what you can to be who you want to be.

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