please be patient with me

During a recent class, my yoga instructor (J) talked a lot, something I don’t mind at all – especially when she starts the class with a statement about phones not belonging in the studio. Rant: I will never be able to understand why anyone (other than someone in a serious medical situation) would even want to bring their communication device into the room where they’re going to connect with their own bodies, breath and minds.

Anyway…she talked about the way we speak to our bodies and the pressures we place upon them to perform in a certain fashion, particularly during physical activity like, for instance, running, hiking, and cycling. All you can ask a body to do, she said, was what it could do on any given day.

Somedays it’s more, some days it’s less.

I began to think about all the runs I had taken over the years, some good, some bad. There had been miles which had felt effortless, leaving me feeling absolutely invincible. Sometimes, though, I struggled with every single footstep.

Truthfully, even more than I fought with my limbs to keep going, no matter how much it hurt, I battled an internal sense of stubbornness which made it difficult for me to give in to my body’s discomfort. You know, to simply stop doing the activity that was frequently pain inducing and which had already prompted two surgeries and a shot of steroids to the ball of my foot.

Right…

It’s been over a year since my second meniscus surgery and this recovery has been far less simple than my first knee procedure. These days my hips, feet and knees are all kinds of unreliable, but I still want need to run. I’m trying to be easy on myself, running easy and short distances in the hopes that I’ll gradually grow my runs into more miles. My half marathon days are probably over, but I’d be thrilled to eventually run a comfortable 5k a couple of times.

Without my yoga practice, I’d probably be losing my mind…

At one point in class, J said something about her age, or the year she was born, which prompted me to do the math and I realized she’s 25 years younger than I. Her wisdom, though, is deeply inspiring. I wish I had been that self aware a quarter century ago.

As our practice drew to a close, J mentioned losing a couple of really close friends in rapid succession last year and how that experience impacted the way she is living her life. She is much more cognizant of the passage of time and the limited number of days which are doled out to each of us. How we live them is up to us alone. 

I have spent far too many minutes of my life concerned with my size.

Instead of devoting precious time to critiquing and comparing the shape and size of the vessel which contains all you are physically, maybe it’s time to start thinking about what your body contains, what it holds. How maybe the only weight we should all hope to lose is the heft of unrealistic expectations we place squarely upon ourselves and insist upon carrying. How much lighter would life feel without all of those internalized pressures? Maybe it’s time to let that shit go and make some room for better things, like acceptance – and some ice cream.

I should warn you when I’m not well
I can tell
Oh, there’s nothing I can do
To make this easier for you
You’re gonna need to be patient with me – Wilco